As of late I have felt highly criticized by friends and family about the way we (Jeff and I) live our lives: the way we spend our money, our time, our educational pursuits, and our lack of children. And my reaction is merely human: to respond with defensiveness, anger, and a return of criticism. I tell myself that they don’t understand our situation, they don’t know me well enough, they weren’t at the bedside where I cried and struggled with a bittersweet spiritual confirmation. Normally I can blow it off, but school has been so stressful this semester and my grades have been dropping, so one word of criticism from anyone is like the one drop that let the dam break, leaving my insecurities to flood me and make me feel like I am drowning from the pressure of being perfect.
Unfortunately I have let pride get the best of me. Instead of forgive and forget, when I read words from the Conference Ensign about judging others, I think I wish she would read this and take note of the error of her ways. I have beheld the mote in my brother’s eye without considering the beam in my own (Matthew 7:3), and thus the greater sin lies with me (D&C 64:9)
Lately I’ve been feeling a lot like Punchinello (the character from the book You Are Special. If you haven’t read it, you should. It’s an amazing book.) I just need some more time with my Maker to remind me that, although imperfect, I am enough.
10 comments:
You said it more humbly and eloquently than anyone could. I have a lot of respect for you as a person, Tasha. Don't be too hard on yourself!
Oh, and I'm so sorry to have missed you that weekend we were in Omaha. It was a whirlwind weekend and I couldn't fit another thing in, but I was thinking about you the whole time. If you ever have time to spare (hah), maybe we could meet up at a half-way point some time!
Sorry to hear that the stress is piling on. But keep your chin up and follow those spiritual promptings. I remember having those same criticisms when I left for a mission even with a "marraige opportunity" however I knew that I had received my answer and had to stick by it though it was difficult, and then not having children "soon enough" when people didn't understand that I had several miscarraiges. I guess if nothing else I've tried to learn from it to not judge others, because we never really know everything about their situation and we are all just trying to do our best.
Unfortunately we don't always give ourselves the same credit. I can sympathize with wanting to do it all, be it all, and solve it all. But all we really are expected to do, is to keep trying, and I can tell how hard you try and work to do your best!
I guess maybe the people with the "advice" are doing their best as well, and trying to share with others what has made them happy or in the case of children maybe share in the joy, patience building, and challenge of it all:) I know in my case that sometimes (or a lot of times) the words don't come out right, so it reminds me to give others the benefit of the doubt, and so sometimes that helps--though it is still hard in the moment.
See here I am trying to "solve it all" again, but its because I love you and want you to be happy. Hang in there sis! Hopefully we'll see you again soon!
Oh, Tasha!! That was beautifully put. You really amaze me sometimes with your absolute honesty. I truly admire that in you. You are amazing and I know the strength it takes to do what is the best for yourself, even when those around you don't understand.As others have put it, "hang in there" and just know that even on the most difficult days, though we may not fully comprehend your personal struggles, we love you and support you and are always here if you need us! Show the world your beautiful smile Tasha!:) I love you!
Sometimes it's good to let it all out.
You and Jeff are one of the most spiritual couples I've known since being married. I know you guys know what you are doing, and I've enjoyed conversations with you in the past and support all you do. People often need time to understand your choices and why you do what you do. When I left home to go to the Midwest, all my family gave me grief about it for a long time. It took a lot of explaining for a long time, but now they understand and never question my decision, even when I say how much I miss family being near. Give people time. Don't be hard on them. Explain all you can and most of them will come around one day. If you know what you're doing is right, trust God and things have a way of working out. You may want to look at Elder Uchtdorf's Priesthood talk on patience. Like Ben said, keep your chin up. Ignorant people aren't worth sacrificing your grades.
Tasha,
Hang in there. You have always been an inspiration to me. Hugs.
Hey darlin,
I just want to tell you that you are an amazing daughter of god. He knew you would be such a great PA. That is why he provided you with such a supportive hubby, and your stinking amazing brains. So don't listen to thoses around you. When I decided to be a nurse and go back yet again for another degree I got that same feeling from others. I was even told I was making a selfish mistake and I was not smart enough. I know lame, but I want you to find on youtube " I just call you mine" By martina mcbride. Cus You are amazing. I love you and remember your life is between you and the lord not those around you or in your family. Love you tons
I have learned that you can't satisfy everyone. People ask me, "So do you work, or are you just a mom?" and then I feel like being 'just' a mom requires some defense. It certainly takes all my time! And if I try to explain (in a less direct way), "Well, I was accepted to 5 PA programs and could have gone, but chose otherwise." And then they think I'm crazy for not pursuing that, as if I didn't "really" want to go after all (they, too, don't understand how hard it was to choose). You are doing what you know is best for you and your family and that's what you should be doing. Good luck and I'm sorry this semester is so stressful.
Tasha, what you and Jeff persue and how you persue it is between you, Jeff and the Lord and I've never known you (or Jeff) NOT to do the will of the Lord.
I have to tell you...I have a young woman, she is a Beehive. During one of our Wednesday night activities we wrote down some family, educational and personal goals. She wants to go to Yale or Harvard and study medicine. She wants to be a Pediatrician. It was harder for her to set some family and home goals. I wondered how I could help her see how she can be the complete woman Heavenly Father wants her and needs her to be. I immediately thought of you, Tasha and how you delicately balance your life! I wished that I could have you talk to my girls and tell them how they can acheive all of their goals. I think you are an amazing example of progressing in the Gospel, knowledge and love. Tasha, out of everything you do so well (and those things are MANY,child!), you are best at being a daughter of God. (By the way, if you come to stay with us in October, you can totally be a guest teacher in Young Womens!!) That would be perfect!
Please let me know if you need anything!! My prayers are with you.
you put it perfectly for me, I too need to remember! thanks for sharing this.
I think you are amazing and I know you will be such a great PA.
xox
miss ya!
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